If you are someone who is constantly and easily affected by the words and actions of others, stop wasting your time and energy trying to change them. It is an endless quest.
Instead, work on building inner resilience.
The reason we are so often affected by what other people say, and so easily feel derailed or upset by their words or judgements, is because internally we have already eroded our own emotional foundation. We have been berating ourselves, focusing on our flaws, listening to our inner critic, comparing ourselves to others. By the time someone else's words land, we are already raw.
When you build a genuinely strong inner state, the same words just don't carry the same weight. Here are three simple strategies to start building that.
Positive, empowering journaling
Grab a journal and a pen. Write the heading: "The things I like, love and appreciate about myself." Then start writing.
Whatever comes up, no matter how small, focus on it, feel it, and let it grow within you. Write more. Keep going until there is nothing left to add.
Now read that back to yourself every morning before you start your day, and really feel the love and appreciation for who you are. Not just the words. The feeling.
When you do this consistently, you are building a powerful internal state that is love-based and resilient. If you genuinely feel this way about yourself, it becomes much harder for someone else's words to knock you flat.
Pay attention to your self-talk
As you move through your day, notice the way you speak to yourself. Notice the narratives, the stories, the words you use in your own internal dialogue.
Then ask yourself: "How would I speak to a friend or a loved one if they were experiencing this?" And give yourself that same kindness, courtesy and compassion.
Changing the way you speak to yourself changes the way you feel about yourself. And when you feel better about yourself, other people's words and actions affect you less, because you are no longer already raw from your own criticism.
Reflect on your wins
At the end of every day, take a few minutes to reflect on what you did well. Think about situations you handled better than you expected. Moments where you were kinder to yourself or others. Times where you grew, or stood in your power, even quietly.
Use these reflections and say to yourself: "I am really proud of myself for..." Then expand on it. And really feel it.
Feeling is the key. Words without feeling have no meaning. It is the felt sense of pride and appreciation that actually rewires how you see yourself.
This is an ongoing practice
Building inner resilience is not a one-time fix. Just as we can build it up, we can also erode it with our habits, our thoughts and our inner narratives. So be consistent. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself the way you wish others would treat you.
All you need to do is focus on building more than you are breaking down, and things will progressively get better and better.
You are amazing. You are doing great. You have got this.
Want to go deeper?
If you want to clear the deeper layers, the trapped emotions and limiting beliefs that are causing you to be triggered by judgement and criticism, book a 1:1 session. We go straight to the root.